Wedding
Preliminaries
Before the bride and groom ever make it to the huppah there are a number of preliminaries that may take place. While these are not required, they set the stage for a beautiful day of celebration linked closely with Jewish tradition.
Below you will find explanations of these customs from both a traditional and more contemporary/egalitarian perspective.
Kabbalat Panim/Tisch’n
Traditionally, the bride and her female guests join together for kabbalat panim – welcoming faces in which the women attend to the bride sharing advice and complements. The male guests meanwhile, sit around a tisch – table, as the groom gives a d’var Torah – a word of teaching. Knowing that their soon-to-be-wed friend is not thinking about Torah, but about his bride, those gathered customarily interrupt his talk with songs and jokes.
In more egalitarian communities, each partner hosts a tisch. Some couples choose to allow men and women to choose which tisch they will attend, not worrying about the separation of the sexes.
Ketubah
Kabbalat Kinyan is the act of agreeing to and accepting all of the terms of the ketubah. Grasping a handkerchief and lifting it up in the air symbolizes this acceptance.
Ketubah Signing takes place before the wedding ceremony begins. The ketubah is signed by two “kosher” witnesses. According to Jewish law, a “kosher” witness is a male Jew who is learned and observant and who is not related in any way to the bride or groom.
In many communities women who meet these requirements are also accepted as witnesses. In my own practice I require that the witnesses be serious (as defined by the couple) Jews who are not related in any way to the bride or groom.
Some ketubot allow for the signatures of both partners and the officiants as well.
To learn more about the ketubah, click below.
Below you will find explanations of these customs from both a traditional and more contemporary/egalitarian perspective.
Kabbalat Panim/Tisch’n
Traditionally, the bride and her female guests join together for kabbalat panim – welcoming faces in which the women attend to the bride sharing advice and complements. The male guests meanwhile, sit around a tisch – table, as the groom gives a d’var Torah – a word of teaching. Knowing that their soon-to-be-wed friend is not thinking about Torah, but about his bride, those gathered customarily interrupt his talk with songs and jokes.
In more egalitarian communities, each partner hosts a tisch. Some couples choose to allow men and women to choose which tisch they will attend, not worrying about the separation of the sexes.
Ketubah
Kabbalat Kinyan is the act of agreeing to and accepting all of the terms of the ketubah. Grasping a handkerchief and lifting it up in the air symbolizes this acceptance.
Ketubah Signing takes place before the wedding ceremony begins. The ketubah is signed by two “kosher” witnesses. According to Jewish law, a “kosher” witness is a male Jew who is learned and observant and who is not related in any way to the bride or groom.
In many communities women who meet these requirements are also accepted as witnesses. In my own practice I require that the witnesses be serious (as defined by the couple) Jews who are not related in any way to the bride or groom.
Some ketubot allow for the signatures of both partners and the officiants as well.
To learn more about the ketubah, click below.
Bedeken
Traditionally, the groom lowers his bride’s veil as he recites the words, “May you be fruitful and prosper. May God make you like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.” These words are followed by the priestly blessing.
A newer egalitarian tradition has the groom lower the veil over the bride and then invites the bride to wrap her groom in the kittel traditionally worn during the wedding ceremony. Others place a special kippah on their partner’s head.
Circling
Traditionally the bride circles the groom 7 times. A more egalitarian version of this tradition is for each partner to circle the other 3 times and then for both partners to walk in a circle together.
Traditionally, the groom lowers his bride’s veil as he recites the words, “May you be fruitful and prosper. May God make you like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.” These words are followed by the priestly blessing.
A newer egalitarian tradition has the groom lower the veil over the bride and then invites the bride to wrap her groom in the kittel traditionally worn during the wedding ceremony. Others place a special kippah on their partner’s head.
Circling
Traditionally the bride circles the groom 7 times. A more egalitarian version of this tradition is for each partner to circle the other 3 times and then for both partners to walk in a circle together.
